Knocked out of a Worshippping mind

Church ended 2 hours ago and still I feel unsettled, and annoyed, and a tad upset. Austin says I look sad, and in a way I guess I am. Getting to church early today made me happy and after the great service on Friday I had great expectations for todays service. The service itself was awesome and spirit driven, while Rev Powell's word was on POINT but my neighbor made church almost unbearable. As church began a family who are members of the church came in and I scooted over to let them sit. I am usually able to judge how much room is needed and I did but she asked me to scoot over again until I ended up moving from one side of the bench to the other for two adults and a child. SO this had made me a tad irritated but I let it go and moved on.

I am a worshipper, anyone who knows me knows that I praise God through my worship and specifically my music. As usual music as FBCSO was amazing and I was truly enjoying it but the woman next to me kept on taking me out of my worship. She as well was enjoying the music and began to worship with her hands but her hands started to invade my space. It continued to happen throughout the service. She waved her hands in praise, in front of my face among other things. The whole experience reminded me of something I read last summer about worship and worshipping. It said something along the lines of just because you are in a mindset of worship it doesnt mean you should ignore your neighbor and fellow worshipper. You are not the only one worshipping when in a worship setting such as church. This is something I try to remember wherever I am, whether I am leading worship or not. Unless I am worshipping by myself I need to be concious of everyone around me. Im still bothered by this instince.

Lord help me to forgive and move past this situation. Help me to not let these things discourage me from worshipping you. Thank you for being an understanding and merciful God. Amen

Thankful

We went to Kathleen's confirmation today as a house (minus one) and I was reminded how blessed I am to be a United Methodist. The service was relatively short surprisingly for 80 confirmants and very packed. As the service continued I got increasingly more uncomfortable. Since the place was packed I was standing, I couldn't receive communion cause I am not Catholic and then in the Bishops "homily" he said something about marriage is only by man and woman. SO I was and still am frustrated. But I am also thankful. This evening reminded me that regardless of crap in the UMC it is my home and where my heart is spiritually. Oh I can wander in and out of many religions and various Christian sects but the UMC is where I am. Thank God for leading my family to the United Methodist Church and planting it within my heart.

Religion

The idea of organized religion has always been apparent in my life. Living in Spirituality House we usually discuss religion v. spirituality and religion in connection with spirituality. The house this year is predominately Christian or Christian based if they are not practicing- and it bothers me. This idea has been bothering me all semester. I feel like this is the first time in my life where I was surrounded by and stuck in a place with one mindset. It hurts my soul. This is not to say I do not love my housemates because I do. They are a silly bunch of people who I am blessed to live with but in terms of dynamic the house this year is not the reason I joined Spirituality.

I have always had a diverse group of friends and people surrounding me in terms of religion, spirituality, race and gender predominately. For this I am so thankful and so blessed. The house this year is as I said predominately Christian, predominately female (10-3), predominately upper middle class and predominately white. Like I said its a weird dynamic for me. AT the end of the day though I am happy for it. I am able to be immersed in a culture and with people I may not have spent so much time with. Thank God for it.

i wanna...

I wanna go back to the days of realness, i wanna go back to you holding me for know reason. Going back to the days when you knew what was on my mind by looking in my eyes, when you looked in my eyes and saw my soul. I wanna go to the place where I felt most comfortable. i wanna go back to you. I wanna be able to love again with such completeness. I wanna be able to snuggle with you. I wanna be able to talk about anything, just because. I wanna go to a place of opening, honesty, listening ears. To a place of open hearts. I wanna...

Breathe In... Breathe out

Today was a bad day, or more so an emotional one. I had fours of sleep, woke up at 6:45 and studied for my sociology midterm till 8:45. Took my exam came back to my room and finished a paper, went to chapel and got out earlier then usual so I went to the commons for lunch. Then another class where we watched the end of a film that held a rape scene that thoroughly unsettled me. Went to the dorm to grab some stuff, Caito was moving out and then the fire alarm went off. Set me in a bad mood which was with me as I went to Ubuntu. Ubuntu was not fulfilling so bomb there. Cleaned a fridge I borrowed from storage and began to clean my room, went to dinner and now am sitting in my last class. I am looking forward to Tben's session so much tonight!

I am just so done, so fed up and feel like if someone says the wrong thing to me I am going to break down and cry. I hate feeling this way. I know it has a lttle to do with PMS but still my cup of emotion is overflowing. I want to crawl into bed with chocolate things and watch movies and cuddle. But I cant! I have a midterm to study for tomorrow and I am totally nervous about it! I dont want to think about work this weekend, after friday I am taking care of Catherine. I hope to fix my room by saturday... Breathe!

I miss Michelle and my Thursday hug. I am so blessed to have her in my life and am glad I got to spend time with her Tuesday. I am so excited for the session tonight because it is the highlight of my week! Im fed up with things and Im just so done...

uhoh

time to reevaluate a bunch of things in my life...lets see how that goes ;)

regardless of the face i put on i still hurt, im still human.